Forty Four pounds down

Today I am forty four pounds down. Almost out of the 260's I am not ashamed to say that. It is who/what I am. Its slow but it is coming off. At the beginning of the year I would of never guessed I would have lost almost fifty pounds. It seems hard to believe. I hope I can loose fifty pounds next year. That would be amazing. I am torn right now between committing to a full marathon or a triathalon sprint. I wonder if I could do one of those. Commit.. Train push myself. I am thinking of committing. What a goal for 2011. I would of never thought I would be able to run and I did a 5k or loose fifty pounds. No excuses. What was I waiting for?

What kind of Person?

What kind of person gets up at 7:45 a.m. and exercises on a Saturday? When its cold outside? Today when I was running into the gym I heard someone ask that .. I looked it was my cousin talking to me. The answer is.. ME. I have become that kind of person. I want to go to spinning class at 8:15. I actually enjoy it. I have realized some things about me I never realized before. I can do things. As the weight comes off I see glimpes of the girl who has been here hiding under all this fat all along. I am not afraid to try new things. I can do it. I started a kettleball class this week. Hey why not? I am excited for the change. I like who I am now. I always liked myself but now I am proud of me. This is something I did for me. And its hard. Its hard everyday to make the decision to do it. I have to do it every day. I told Phil this week when I was coming home from the gym. I guess this is going to be my life working out every day... He said yes it is. You have made a lifestyle change. ITs not a diet it is a way of life. I am becoming the person I am proud to be.

Who Am I

It is weird to have no idea what size you are. To go into a store and have to try on several sizes of clothes. But I tell you nothing feels better than to be able to buy clothes at the regular store not the plus size store the normal not jack the price up because you are fat store. I had not idea I would get such a high from that. I have become the person who rides there bike a lot and closes the gym most nights. I can say no to food others are eating. I am not sure why this time is different but it is and it feels so great. I am proud of myself. I am learning who I am minues the extra baggage I have been carrying around for too many years.

Watching

So this summer I have lost 25 pounds. I somehow found my ways to a weight watchers meeting and after sitting there listening I found myself thinking I am not a fat person. I am a skinny person stuck in a fat girls body. I have no idea how this happened. I havent been this size since before I got married. It seems strange. I am so much faster running.I stil havent figured out why except I can. I can eat so I do eat. I eat when I am happy/ when I am sad/ when I am mad. I definetly think it is emotional with me. I tend to equate food with money and control. I think its because it was growing up. I think of my Mom hiding food from us or us not having food when Dad wasnt working. I just know I need to have a healthy relationship with food for my kids. We have adopted healthier eating habits at this house. Twenty five pounds it feels good. I really would like to loose another 25 by Christmas. I used to be embarrased by weight watchers and then I think really more embarresed than walking around overweigth everyday? Really?

What makes you keep on?

I was thinking of that today while I was walking. What makes you do what you do? What makes you stay on that treadmill an extra mile when you are done. And you hate ever single minute of it? What makes you drag yourself outside on a 10 degree day when you are cold to get a walk in. Exercise is so mental. Getting off the couch. Starting. Keeping on. It hurts, so quit. What makes you stay in there and fight? What makes you keep on. I think the more I try the more I learn about myself. I must want it whatever it is. I must to be not drinking soda still after 13 days. The headaches are gone so it's all good.It feels different this time perhaps training for this helps. Who knows I sure hope it stays with me this time.

A New Year a New Pair of Running Shoes and A New Resolve

I was trying to explain to the boys what a resolution was and somehow I heard the words like giving us soda for a year coming out of my mouth. Logan quickly said Oh you can not do that no way. And Rob said we can do it Mom I'll do it with you. And somehow it stuck. I am not sure how I get myself into these things. I do however think now I will do it. There is something about how Logan said you can not do it. Call it motivation. I am however excited by another year and the idea of a chance to begin again. I somehow talked Karla and Traci into doing the country music half marathon with me in April again motivation. I like the idea of no excuses no reasons why I can't. No unknown just me and my new shoes and my will. I may just have had enough. Here's to 2010 lets see where it takes me.