The Long Road Back to Dopey

In November I hurt my back.. Some call it a overuse injury.. Some call it old age.. Some call it.. karma.. I call it a WAKE up call. I hurt it so bad I was unable to get out of the chair for a week. I began rehab and resumed my love / hate relationship with the Doctor. I couldn't stand up.. much less work out or train. Which was a problem because I had found myself signed up for the dopey challenge again in January. I watched the weeks tick by. I could walk 1/2 a mile then I would hurt.. The doctor would say you are pushing it too far.. So I had to back off. No biking.. no elliptical. Just rest. More days went by.. months. I would negotiate with the Doctor to let my exercise.. but it didn't matter because I couldn't my body physically would not let me. About two weeks before we left I was able to walk about a mile.. not fast at all.. BUT I did at least do it. I knew that the Dopey challenge was out of the question.. I thought I would do the 5k.. and then start the 10k. half and full and then ride the Disney bus home. I was frustrated. But my body was hurt so bad I couldn't do anything about it..

The 5k came along. and I found myself in the corral. I started to think about how I couldn't do it. I started to hyperventilate and thought Oh great now I am going to pass out. I sent Phil a text saying "; I cant do it. I'm having a panic attack. He told me to get out of the crowd and relax. My corral started I didn't. I stayed against the railing and tried not to hit the ground. The next corral came I decided I should try to go. . I started.  Mile one came and went . I was not fast. But I was doing it.. Mile two in Epcot. I loved it. I was so happy.  I kept moving. and mile three came. It was slow. BUT I did it. I was reminded again how much of a mental race it was.. I was proud to finish the 5k.

 I was in a quandary . What to do for the 10k. I knew I had to keep a 16minute mile pace.. I knew I couldn't due to my back. But I figured I could start the race and see what happened. So there I was at the starting line again.. This time .. no pictures. I was surprised how fast I could go.. It was not a 16 minute mile but it was not that far off. I was enough ahead that I just kept going.. I was not able to stop for pictures.. At mile 5 the pacers passed me.. But I figured I was safe since I was inside Disney parks again. I  decided I could stop for a few pictures and who am I kidding I saw Pooh and Tigger and I could not resist. Then I saw Goofy in a spacesuit and jumped in line for him too.. I did finish. MUCH to my surprise..  It was not record breaking.. BUT Pooh and Tigger....

Day three.. The half marathon.. I cant lie. I was tired. BUT I wanted to start the half.. At least try..  I realize that makes no sense. BUT does the entire challenge really make sense?  The weather all day had been calling for a storm. Around 10 I got word that they cancelled the half due to Lightning .. WHAT .. I call that divine intervention..

So that only left one day remaining.. Day four.. the marathon..  There was no way I could finish but I might as well start and see where I end up right? So there I was 430 am .. it was cold. The coldest race I have ever done.. I had to go out and buy running tights since I didn't expect it to be cold in Florida. This time in the corral I didn't panic. I just was proud that I was there.  I knew I couldn't keep pace .. I did for 8 miles.. Into the castle and all around the Magic Kingdom. I just kept going . I knew after the Magic Kingdom I should stop.. So I found the parade bus and got on it.. I was happy.  I had come short of my goal.. But considering where I was a week before I was thrilled. I was proud of myself.  I love the Dopey Challenge but I am done.. I realize I say that a lot. BUT I really do think I am done with the full distance.. Three fulls are enough. They tear up my body.  I will do another Disney race.. Just not Dopey.. BUT I promise you it will always be one of the highlights of my life. I will always be proud of the fact that I have never run a full when I haven;t done a half the day before.. And the characters.  Seriously.. The characters..

I learned a lot about myself this past year.. and rehabbing this back. I promise you in the end I won that challenge a million times over. I am Dopey but I didn't need a race to prove that did I?

Never Say Never...

                       Race number 26  . St. Jude Half Marathon
  We had the opportunity as a family to join a team of runners out of St. Louis who raise money for St. Jude Hospital all year and then go run the half. We have met an amazing group of athletes who love to do two things: Raise money and run.. We felt honored to be welcomed by this team and to be part of it.

Philip has told me several times completing a half is not his goal. He even told me I will never do a half its not my thing. But somehow once the boys wanted to do it.. he found himself signing up. I was so excited and I am not going to lie a little nervous to take on this challenge. So there we were.. Memphis TN.. all four of us ready to go.

I have to admit I got a little choked up at the beginning thinking about how brave my boys were.  A  half marathon was not even on my radar at their ages and here they were not intimidated at all. We heard the National Anthem and we were off. Logan and I stayed together and Rob and Dad were right behind us. We saw some interesting sights along the course.. The zoo.. a panda.. some Santa s... it was almost Christmas and Elvis . (thanks for not disappointing us Memphis.)..   The boys did amazing it was so amazing to run through the St. Jude campus and think about why we did this race. It was the best feeling. Towards the finish Logan was tired but he dug deep and finished.. Then we waited for Phil and Rob. It was the best feeling to see them cross the finish line.  Its a true testament to how amazing Phil is as a Dad. He will do anything to be with us ..and to get the boys across that finish line.  It  was a good race. We weren't fast but this race was not about time. It was about raising money for St. Jude and us finishing our first  half as a family. Which trumps time every time.  We did it.. We crossed the finish line. Team Brown is a family of half marathoners. That is a sentence I never expected to come out of my mouth. I asked them all later if they loved it.. It surprised me to hear Phil say it was fun. I see why you like them. I have to admit I was one proud Mom. But the biggest surprise came on the way home when I heard them making plans for next year . Team Brown came through!

The one thing..

Today I found myself alone at the starting line again of  my 23rd half marathon. I could not talk any of my usual running buddies into running with me. The GO half is so hilly.. I couldn't sell it to anyone. I wanted to do it so I signed up alone. I had done it alone before so it was all good. But this time was different It was my first half since my ankle injury. I was full of self doubt. The whole drive there I considered turning around . I would of  but I kept hearing Robs voice say " You can do it Mom. We all know you can" . So there I was at the starting line. And I was off. I noticed that I was in a corral with a pace group and thought well I should try to stick with them to get me through. Miles went by.. One thing when you are alone you get lots of time to think . I found myself thinking about why I continue to train and do half's..  I thought about why I started. I needed control over something when my world was spinning out of control. Running has been with me through:

• My parents divorce
• Two  back surgeries for my husband
• One bad concussion with my son
• A career change
• One bad lawsuit with work and an even worse outcome
• A grand jury investigation tied to said lawsuit.
• My mom getting remarried very quickly after her divorce

Through it all I could control when I ran.. I got faster .. I lost weight I trained for three full marathons.. it was mine.  I needed it to get through life. It taught me how when you think you cant go on.. just keep going on. It sounds cliche but there are so many times in life I use the same techniques that get me to the finish line in real life.
So today was about me.. and the finish line. I finished with the pace group.. hills and all. It felt good to be back out there. My ankle was strong.  SO now to find 24.......

Are those words directed at me?

Years ago .. I hated to exercise. I remember going to a Dr. and I was describing a problem I was having.. and him saying.. "you need to loose weight". I never went back because I knew he was not listening to me but he saw all my problems as being my weight... Fast forward to today.. I have been having an ankle injury nag me for quite some time.. If you see me after a long run.. or heck even a short run you know I will be dragging my bad leg around .. limping. Today I decided I has had enough. Truthfully I just wanted to make sure I could do the full marathon in January and not get hurt.:) But the words that came out of his mouth surprised me.. He said I have achilles tendonosis.. not tendinitis.. he said I have no range of motion in my ankle cause I have done so much damage. His orders.. stay off it.. not running.. no walking.. no biking.. no elliptical.. Nothing.. I tried to negotiate my way out of this.. and he said NO exercise. I do find the irony in this.. I would of never imagined a Dr. having that conversation with me even five years ago. So as I tried to negotiate with him his words stuck.. Nothing get off that thing.. We will also do some exercises and it will heal..  Slowly..
   So there I was on the way home.. crying cause I could not  do the things I want to do.. Its such a big part of my life. There is some question about the St. Jude race coming up in December... which hurts a lot. Crying cause I can't  work out.  Life has a funny way of coming full circle. It will heal and I will go back but maybe I will find a middle ground.. Maybe:)

Its a mental race.

I was reminded today around mile 10 at the MO cowbell how mental a race is.. a distance race is called that for a reason right?  There are so many factors out of your control.. the weather.. will it rain or in today's case.. the wind be against you for six miles.. the temperature. .. Your body.. I have heard.. trust your training. I always do the training.. but there are always factors .. Today I could not get over that wind.. It was holding me back.. plus perhaps I had over-trained.. and my heel was telling me that. It was not my best.. I had to use every mental trick I know.. staying in the mile.. reassuring myself and saying a lot of prayers.. I was mad at myself at first then I realized.. I would of died even a year ago.. to have the pace I was at today be my worst pace.. Around mile 10 I sent my buddy on to finish.. I was done at the pace we were at.. it was me and the last three miles.. I must of said in my mind a hundred times.. get to my family.. Get to my boys.. I am going to see my boys.. I knew at mile 12 I would see them. I am so fortunate to have a family who will give up there activities to come see me on a cold windy day.. to finish. Boys who get to jump in and cross the finish line and say.. "Ms Heather is kicking your butt today Mom .. but your still ok.. Your still on pace.. Lets get across that line." And when it was all said and done.. This one was good.. I learned alot again about my self again. I will cross that finish line... I will keep going. And sometimes ones of your worst runs.. can be one of your best..

Its only walking right?

Recently someone said to me... Well Mandy only WALKS the half marathon.. and the full marathon. Emphasis on the word walking.. I guess to imply that somehow by my walking I am inferior.. or that I am sub par to a person who runs the whole distance.. It got to me.. After 20 half marathons and two fulls (not that I am counting or anything) I still somehow am not as good as a someone who runs. I have to admit these words are usually from someone who has no idea how far 26 miles are walking.. for that matter how far 13 miles are walking.. They are also from people who have no idea how much I train. They have no idea that I do anywhere from 25- 50 miles a week .. or that I have to do long runs when I really would rather sit on the couch. Its funny when I hear someone say that it makes me cringe.. But I thought long about this this week. I started out doing a 5k... and wondered if I could make it through a half. My first half ended up getting called short in the middle due to a  tropical storm so it only ended up being ten miles and it took me four hours. FOUR hours.. But I was working hard then.. Now I have a few under 3 hour half marathons under my belt and I still have to hear people say .. well you only walk. I also remember why I started this process. It was when I needed something to control. I was in a bad situation at work.. involved in bad lawsuit and really needed something that was mine. Walking was it.. I never planned to get so involved.. it was just a release. But I am proud of how far I have come. I am proud of the effect it has had on my health .. but really on others health. I am proud of my boys who love to sign up for races and train for them.. I am proud of my husband who has been walking even with his bad back .. I am proud of my friends who I have walked across the finish line of several half marathons with. I bet all of them would tell you that walking those half's was hard work.I am proud of the fact that since I made it they knew they could make it. Walking / running its the same distance.. 13 miles.... 26 miles.. Are the miles shorter when you walk them?  Do they decrease? Do you have to train less? Do you spend less time mentally preparing? I do wonder why people have to say that about me.. But really I cant waste anymore time thinking about it.. I got to walk....

Dopey? At least its not Goofy right?

So .. I know I said I was done with marathons after last year. I also heard once the only way you can run another marathon is if the memory of the last one is no longer in your head... Well I still remember all too well the way the last one ended but somehow I find myself signed up again for another one. Disney introduced another race.. called the dopey challenge.. A 5k Thursday.. 10K Friday 1/2 Saturday.. Full Sunday. and somehow I feel like I should do this.. Once. So I am training again.. I got my training plan.. I have several pairs of new shoes.. and I am off.  I have several races between now and then to keep on track. I am excited . I do really feel like this is my last hurrah at this distance.. ( I know I said this before but this time I MEAN IT!) I have put a lot of thought into this. I will do it alone except the 5k/10k the boys are both signed up for those .. I am looking forward to seeing how this works out..

http://www.rundisney.com/blog/articles/introducing-the-dopey-challenge-and-inaugural-walt-disney-world-10k/