Who Am I

It is weird to have no idea what size you are. To go into a store and have to try on several sizes of clothes. But I tell you nothing feels better than to be able to buy clothes at the regular store not the plus size store the normal not jack the price up because you are fat store. I had not idea I would get such a high from that. I have become the person who rides there bike a lot and closes the gym most nights. I can say no to food others are eating. I am not sure why this time is different but it is and it feels so great. I am proud of myself. I am learning who I am minues the extra baggage I have been carrying around for too many years.

Watching

So this summer I have lost 25 pounds. I somehow found my ways to a weight watchers meeting and after sitting there listening I found myself thinking I am not a fat person. I am a skinny person stuck in a fat girls body. I have no idea how this happened. I havent been this size since before I got married. It seems strange. I am so much faster running.I stil havent figured out why except I can. I can eat so I do eat. I eat when I am happy/ when I am sad/ when I am mad. I definetly think it is emotional with me. I tend to equate food with money and control. I think its because it was growing up. I think of my Mom hiding food from us or us not having food when Dad wasnt working. I just know I need to have a healthy relationship with food for my kids. We have adopted healthier eating habits at this house. Twenty five pounds it feels good. I really would like to loose another 25 by Christmas. I used to be embarrased by weight watchers and then I think really more embarresed than walking around overweigth everyday? Really?

What makes you keep on?

I was thinking of that today while I was walking. What makes you do what you do? What makes you stay on that treadmill an extra mile when you are done. And you hate ever single minute of it? What makes you drag yourself outside on a 10 degree day when you are cold to get a walk in. Exercise is so mental. Getting off the couch. Starting. Keeping on. It hurts, so quit. What makes you stay in there and fight? What makes you keep on. I think the more I try the more I learn about myself. I must want it whatever it is. I must to be not drinking soda still after 13 days. The headaches are gone so it's all good.It feels different this time perhaps training for this helps. Who knows I sure hope it stays with me this time.

A New Year a New Pair of Running Shoes and A New Resolve

I was trying to explain to the boys what a resolution was and somehow I heard the words like giving us soda for a year coming out of my mouth. Logan quickly said Oh you can not do that no way. And Rob said we can do it Mom I'll do it with you. And somehow it stuck. I am not sure how I get myself into these things. I do however think now I will do it. There is something about how Logan said you can not do it. Call it motivation. I am however excited by another year and the idea of a chance to begin again. I somehow talked Karla and Traci into doing the country music half marathon with me in April again motivation. I like the idea of no excuses no reasons why I can't. No unknown just me and my new shoes and my will. I may just have had enough. Here's to 2010 lets see where it takes me.

Motivation

What makes a person go out of there house and workout at 9 o clock at night? Or go that extra mile when you have already gone seven? Or come home after working out and do another twenty minute workout? What is that. And then better yet why doesnt whatever it is that makes me do all these things stop me from doing what I shouldnt do? Why doesnt it stop me from drinking a regular coke now and then or eating a heaven scent donut? Where is that thing. In my mind I think of all the working out I will have to do for the said item yet I eat it anyway. Motivation is funny like that.

A glimpse at me thru a Mi

Resolutions and Solutions

I have tossed this blog idea ahead in my mind several times. Usually when I am at the gym walking or working out I think about it. But somewhere betweent the agony of a workout or the repetition of the track I forget. I have thought about what my New years resulutions will be. I hate the whole I need to loose weight does it ever happen? I think I lost 100 pounds last year the same 10 pounds over and over again. I do however think I like the idea of writing down some goals to work on so here they are in no particular order.
1. Increase my walking mileage every month by 10 miles.
2. Compete in and improve my time in the half marathon
3. Stop drinking soda. PERIOD
4. Go down a size in clothes.
Thats it. No numbers just healthier.
I also want to figure out why I eat. I always here the "experts " say you wont have success unless you figure out why you eat. I have no idea why I overeat. I think about it sometimes but I have no idea. So heres to 2009 a new blog, some new goals and a new year!