Why not?

To the guy at the gym who ran beside me today.. and pushed me on. After all did I really want to let you see how tired I was. Thanks for commenting how great I was doing after you left and I was still running. 12 miles. 12 miles two hours and 15 minutes I swear not very long ago I was walking three miles an hour trying to get to four miles an hour. People ask me strange questions. Somebody asked me if it was hard for me to loose weight. Do you really get to be over 300 pounds and not find it hard to loose weight? I wanted to laugh. I also wanted to say I fight to loose every single pound. I have to watch what I eat daily and work out like crazy. I am almost out of the 260's. Then I can say I weigh 250. It's the little things to me. I feel good. Stronger. Someone also asked me how I mentally kept running for two hours. What makes me keep on. I thought about this a lot today while running. Then I thought why can't I . Running is so mental. You want to stop because it is boring yet I know I needed to get a long run in today. So I kept on. I guess I am tired of the excuses. SO my answer would be why not?

15 days into the year

Two weigh ins down at weight watchers for the year down 4 pounds. Good start. Fourteen days no soda. Who would of ever thought? Soda. It has been my enemy for years. Sometimes the headaches are so bad I have to go to sleep. Logan told me he didn't think I could do it. Before he would of been right but now I can and am doing it. I also have been running 9 miles.. And add a mile each weekend. 9 miles 90 minutes. Wow 9 miles. The Disney race is coming up in 30 days I want to finish under 3 a real under 3 not 3 08. The 46 pounds down helps. I really wanted to be at 60 down by Disney but I wont make it.. As I loose weight I find myself changing. More willing to try things. It is a long journey. Phil told me he didn't think I would ever be under 200 there used to be a day when I would of agreed with him. Not anymore. I think I might be close by the end of the year. As a wise women once told me.. The time is going to go by anyway.. you might at well loose the weight.

I must want this

I must want to loose weight.. why else would I drag myself out to the gym at 10 p.m. at night to exercise when all I really want to do is sleep? Or relax? Or a million other things. I am not sure why its different this time? Why I do want this so bad? Why I couldn't or didnt do it before? But I am motivated. This is my year by the end of the year I really want to be down 50 more pounds. Only one pound of week. I want to be healthier and want to be under 200. When this started I would of never thought I would or could be under 200 pounds but it seems doable now. So I drag myself out to the gym like it or not.. Day after day after day ..

Forty Four pounds down

Today I am forty four pounds down. Almost out of the 260's I am not ashamed to say that. It is who/what I am. Its slow but it is coming off. At the beginning of the year I would of never guessed I would have lost almost fifty pounds. It seems hard to believe. I hope I can loose fifty pounds next year. That would be amazing. I am torn right now between committing to a full marathon or a triathalon sprint. I wonder if I could do one of those. Commit.. Train push myself. I am thinking of committing. What a goal for 2011. I would of never thought I would be able to run and I did a 5k or loose fifty pounds. No excuses. What was I waiting for?

What kind of Person?

What kind of person gets up at 7:45 a.m. and exercises on a Saturday? When its cold outside? Today when I was running into the gym I heard someone ask that .. I looked it was my cousin talking to me. The answer is.. ME. I have become that kind of person. I want to go to spinning class at 8:15. I actually enjoy it. I have realized some things about me I never realized before. I can do things. As the weight comes off I see glimpes of the girl who has been here hiding under all this fat all along. I am not afraid to try new things. I can do it. I started a kettleball class this week. Hey why not? I am excited for the change. I like who I am now. I always liked myself but now I am proud of me. This is something I did for me. And its hard. Its hard everyday to make the decision to do it. I have to do it every day. I told Phil this week when I was coming home from the gym. I guess this is going to be my life working out every day... He said yes it is. You have made a lifestyle change. ITs not a diet it is a way of life. I am becoming the person I am proud to be.

Who Am I

It is weird to have no idea what size you are. To go into a store and have to try on several sizes of clothes. But I tell you nothing feels better than to be able to buy clothes at the regular store not the plus size store the normal not jack the price up because you are fat store. I had not idea I would get such a high from that. I have become the person who rides there bike a lot and closes the gym most nights. I can say no to food others are eating. I am not sure why this time is different but it is and it feels so great. I am proud of myself. I am learning who I am minues the extra baggage I have been carrying around for too many years.

Watching

So this summer I have lost 25 pounds. I somehow found my ways to a weight watchers meeting and after sitting there listening I found myself thinking I am not a fat person. I am a skinny person stuck in a fat girls body. I have no idea how this happened. I havent been this size since before I got married. It seems strange. I am so much faster running.I stil havent figured out why except I can. I can eat so I do eat. I eat when I am happy/ when I am sad/ when I am mad. I definetly think it is emotional with me. I tend to equate food with money and control. I think its because it was growing up. I think of my Mom hiding food from us or us not having food when Dad wasnt working. I just know I need to have a healthy relationship with food for my kids. We have adopted healthier eating habits at this house. Twenty five pounds it feels good. I really would like to loose another 25 by Christmas. I used to be embarrased by weight watchers and then I think really more embarresed than walking around overweigth everyday? Really?